Four months old!

Winnekenni Park
Winnekenni Park

Hey Feather Friends! Can you believe it’s been four months since I started blogging?! Me either! I can’t believe how much I have learned and grown since starting Moms of a Feather.

Before I started the blog, I had been playing around with the idea of blogging. It was (still is) kind of hard to find a niche`. I am a girl with such an eclectic personality, and it shows in my interests. I love a little bit of everything; all genres of books, movies, music, and hobbies.

I pursue whatever captivates me at the moment, and I never let inexperience get in the way!

So even though I felt like there are already a million blogs about crafts and cooking, I still wanted to jump into the blogosphere. I spent a lot of time pondering, questioning, doubting. The niggling in my mind didn’t go away.

The last few years have been pretty emotional for me. About three months ago, it really came to a crescendo, and I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. You can read more from one of my first posts here. It was then that I felt the Lord calling me to blog about my struggles. It seems weird to put your family drama on the internet, but so many of us rely on technology for everything, and social media is a huge part of our lives now.

We latch onto social media because we want to be connected, even though we sometimes disconnect to the people in the room. We want to be a part of other people’s lives, even if we never speak to them on the phone, or in person. We want to raise our hand, as we click the “like” button, to say “hey! me too!” When we are lonely, or hurting, we also log on to find solace, or escape. So online, is a great place to be to reach those who are hurting.

In the last few months, I’ve checked out books and taught myself a little about managing a website. I’ve scoured Pinterest for help learning this new language of IT stuff that I never knew existed. If you had asked me three months ago what  great SEO was, I couldn’t tell you….it’s still a little sketchy, to be perfectly honest.  I’m definitely not a blogging diva, and I won’t be writing a post about how much money I made blogging anytime soon. I’m still learning. It seems like the internet wants to tell you what to do to be successful. I never feel like I fit into anyone’s box of requirements. I’m going to just do my own thing!

As for my mental health? There is still a lot of healing to be done in my family, but I am so incredibly blessed. Four months ago, I was starting counseling because I was having anxiety issues at work. My personal hurts and struggles made it difficult to handle stress at work. I would get panicky and paranoid. I let too many things bother me, and I couldn’t stop analyzing them. I would think about work non-stop when I wasn’t there. I would dream about it, or even if I briefly woke up in the middle of the night, I would immediately start thinking about it and not be able to sleep. It was so frustrating that I let people bother me so much that I doubted myself, and my abilities. I had spent over a decade with this company, I knew how to do my job! It was my self-confidence I had lost. Myself period. I didn’t want to be like that, but I didn’t know how to make it better. I clung to my bible, and prayed harder.

Little did I know that the Lord was already at work.

There have been a lot of positive changes in my life in the last few months. We were already in the planning process to move from Florida to Massachusetts, when I went to counseling. I knew we were going to have some changes that we hoped would improve our lives, but I needed help immediately. Part of me feared that I would lose my job. At work, a peer and I switched jobs, which was my saving grace. I still worked with the people that I allowed to have so much power over my emotions, but in my new capacity, it was a non-issue. I was given a specific goal, and I was given free reign to make it happen.

I’ve learned that when it comes to my personality and my brand of anxiety, vagueness is the root of all evil! I need specifics. A goal. A task. A clear set of expectations. Something that you can grasp being able to achieve. Without that, it is easy to get too overwhelmed.

Maybe that’s why parenting is so hard!? Where is the manual? Did they forget to give me one at the hospital?? But I digress….

In the last couple months in Florida, I accomplished quite a bit, and it went a long way to make me feel successful. I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I hadn’t lost my abilities. They were there all along, but my anxiety was getting in the way. My anxiety and stress levels continued to decrease. When we got here to Massachusetts, I took a step down the corporate ladder, and down again, cutting out weekends. The old me would have agonized about how the store managers felt, but not anymore. Family first! In order to let my husband move ahead with his career, this is necessary. I don’t consider it a step down. I consider it a step up in being able to care for my family, and myself, better! I found a different full time job that is only Monday through Friday. I take this as another blessing. Five years ago, I tried to find this in Florida, but with no success. That’s why I ended up back in retail. So, no more nights and weekends, no more missed parties, activities, weddings, or bedtime stories! Yes! Finally!

My last little blessing before leaving my job has been that I’ve been able to really enjoy a stress free work environment! I have been able to do what I like to do most, with nobody bothering me. I leave with a sense of accomplishment, which absolutely bolsters my confidence. I think God wanted to give me one last little boost! I’m excited to start my new adventure next week. I’m also enjoying all the time I get with my family.

Bonus: I get a week off in December!!!!

I’ve spent my life in retail ya’ll…IT”S GONNA BE AMAZING!!!!!!